Depression is probably the most annoying thing I have to live with almost sometime during every couple of weeks, or a couple times a month depending on what's going on around me. I don't know what causes my depression. This week has been bad though. And it's VERY hard to talk about with other people who don't understand because they will say things to me like, "Well don't let it get you down!" Okay LOL that's DUMB to say. Or, "Don't let it break your sober streak!" Okay, well First of all, if I wanted to drink I would have already. How about don't talk? If someone is depressed and you don't know what to say to them, how about saying instead, "I'm sorry you're dealing with that, is there anything I can do to help?", or say, "I'll be praying for healing for you and for a clear peace of mind for you." But then in saying that, I have another question that has just ran through my mind. Do you know when people say, "Hey, I'm praying for you!" or, "Prayers to you!" I wonder how many of those people really actually do pray for you when they say they are. 

All children usually have to go through bullying at some point in their life. Whether they are the one's getting bullied or the one who's bullying others, sadly I wish no children ever had to deal with bullying. And usually if a child is a bully then there's usually a problem at home with their home life, etc. They might just be hanging around the wrong crowd being peer-pressured into being mean or their "so called" friends wont like them anymore. But what about an adult? If someone is trying to change their life for the better, than you should respect that choice and to help them cope with changes to come in their life.

My whole life I have averaged a weight from 103-120 lbs. Through both of my pregnancies, I never weighed over 125 lbs. Of course until I hit 45 I never had a problem with weight loss, but put medications + drinking alcohol on top of that and you're most likely going to gain a significant amount of weight. Depending on how much you drink daily, weekly, etc. Different alcohols also contain different amount of sugars. With the trouble I ran into. I had hit pre-menopause, that's when it started to be more difficult to keep the weight off. Plus taking several mental health medications throughout everyday makes it even harder to keep off the weight. But my downfall was wine and vodka. Of course only red dry wine, but I'm going to show you the comparisons below to a website where you can check it out. When I left rehab and got back home after I quit drinking. I had lost over 20 lbs. in 40 days! WOWZA! I will just ask, if you do have a drinking habit that you can't just have 1 drink, then you might want to make a Dr. appointment or get help.

So let's begin with this....my condition is actually very strange and I'll explain it to you in a bit.

Do you own a weapon? Do you know your state gun laws? Should you own a firearm if you have a mental illness or an addiction to alcohol or drugs? Read this blog to find out more. You might be surprised.

Have you ever wandered what a resident of an in-patient rehab thinks of and goes through daily? Well you're in luck because I kept a journal everyday for the 32 days that I was a resident when I stayed at a rehab facility in Kansas City, Kansas. I probably won't share every page, but It's astonishing if you read all that I write from day to day how my mind changes with the way I comprehend everything. My brain was really foggy when I first arrived.

Today I want to talk about Wokeism and how it's ZERO PERCENT related to Mental Health. Stop saying that people who identify with pronouns and who are woke have mental health conditions. It's a HUGE slap in the face to people like me who suffer from mental health conditions everyday! Everyday I have to try my best to cope with Manic Depression, Severe Anxiety, Social Anxiety, PTSD and Insomnia. Even with the medications that I have to take 3 times a day for them. The difference between me and a woke person is 100% different. Now I will show you the proof. The best way to end this confusion is to end Wokeism.

In honor of being sober this year on St. Patrick's Day, I wanted to make a blog about how crazy it can get if you decide to go out partying tonight to have that green beer with your friends. Listen, I don't have anything against you if you drink. I was right there with you last year. I think I had so much green beer that my pee was green for a month. LOL. If you drink and drive, then I don't really like you though. I am SOOoooooo lucky I never killed an innocent person the many times that I drank and drove. And I will tell you that you DON'T want to have to attend a MADD class "court ordered" because you get arrested for a DWI like I did. Listening to the stories of hundreds of people who lost loved ones because someone wanted to drink and drive Isn't easy, but a REAL EYE OPENER!

I've got this! Or do I? Out of the 24 hours of the day, I'm probably awake for 20 hours of it. I've been struggling worse for some reason the past week with my mental health. It makes me so sad because I can't be normal like other people. But am I normal? I ask myself a lot if I'm the majority of adults now who actually do suffer from mental health issues. But then, I get angry at people because they use mental health as a way to get away with things or be so mean to other people. I don't know why I'm so upset, but I'm crying just writing this. It's so hard to live with mental health when people close to you don't understand it. 

Four years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD caused from a very traumatic childhood dealing with abuse on all levels. Up until the age of seventeen when I finally got to move out of my dad's house I lived in Hell. When I turned eighteen, I moved right in with another abuser and married him and stayed with him for thirteen years. I explained in a previous blog earlier why I did what I did, so I don't feel sorry for myself at all for my outcome, but now I can educate others on abuse and PTSD.When most people think of marital abuse or child abuse, they only usually think about women. Please don't forget about the amazing men who have been abused as children or even by their wives as well. Domestic abuse isn't funny, and more people should understand that it's not as easy to get out of those relationships as it is just to tell someone, "Hey, you should get out of that relationship!" O, thanks genius, I didn't think of doing that! DUH! lol

If you've never experienced being with someone who's had an anxiety attack or never experienced them yourself then I would like to try and help you understand.Around 3:20 a.m. this morning I woke up from a dead sleep. I wake up randomly all the time and usually just go right back to sleep or scroll through X until I'm ready to close my eyes again. This morning as soon as I awoke abruptly, I knew it was going to be a VERY long morning. I noticed that the whole left side of my back was in pain in my lungs. Then, I just fixated on that pain. Immediately I always start thinking of the worst things that will happen to me. Like I explained in a previous blog post last week, I used to be kind of on the "Hypochondria". I've gotten so good at controlling it over the years, especially since I've been on medication the past 4 years to help control my anxiety attacks. Just sometimes, it doesn't always work.As soon as I had it in my head that there was something wrong with my lungs, it slowly began. I knew, I would soon have a full blown panic attack. So, first thing in my head is that my left lung is going to collapse. I have vaped since September of 2024 because it really does help me with triggers that will hit me, which would usually lead to heavy drinking. Oh no, I thought to myself. I've been vaping so now my lung is damaged and I'm going to probably die. So, then the second scenario came to my mind. Oh no, I'm going to have a heart attack. I know that when women have heart attacks, they will usually have back pain. I've read a few articles the past week that had to do with heart attacks in women's health. I was going to die from a heart attack! I was going to die. By this time, my heart had already started to beat a lot faster and harder. I hurried and got up, when to the kitchen and got an anxiety pill and took it and went to get back into bed. Halfway to the bedroom, my feet were already giving out beneath me from the adrenaline kicking in from the attack. Heart pounding now! Beating out of my chest! I laid back down and lay on my back and proper my head up on the pillow while I put a pillow under my knees. This is the worst part because now I know, that I can't get out of this. Once it begins I have to ride it out for the full ride. It's like a roller coaster. Once you get on and the ride starts, you're stuck until it's over! So, I'm laying in bed and I breathe in my nose as deep as I can, then out my mouth and repeat over and over. That doesn't ever really help, but I still always do it every time. My heart is already pounding, back in pain, my mind starts to race like I'm on meth. (I'm not by the way LOL). My whole back starts to tingle all the way down my arms and to my fingertips and then I break out in a cold sweat. I have learned that when I'm having a severe anxiety attack, to uncover completely and sometimes stripping off all my clothes help. Over heating CAN also cause a panic attack. After dealing with the attack for about 10 minutes, it finally started to subside. The anxiety pill now has kicked in. A lot of help it did when I needed it the most HAHA.So now I'd like to share with you some ways to help others if you happen to be with them during a panic attack. DO's and DON'TS. I will begin with the don'ts.

Writing this blog means very much to me because some people don't even realize that they have an addiction that may be causing issues in their life.  I am in recovery from alcohol and it seems that drug and alcohol users seem to always be the ones looked at by the people with non-substance addictions. It's just really important to me to help anyone who may need help with any addiction. And everything doesn't always have to deal with drugs or alcohol.